Regain Your Self-Love in 3 Steps


I’m an idealist, an optimist and sometimes, a realist, but in all the things that I do and believe in, I believe that we are all selfish people. We do things not for others, but for ourselves, and if others feel as if they are being appreciated because of what we do, then that’s great for everyone because everyone comes out happy but essentially, we are self-serving people – at least that’s what I believe in.

Earlier this afternoon, a friend of mine send me a text asking me “What do you always practice to love yourself?”

The question, provided me with a lot of information and it had to do with one thing that we all search for in life, HAPPINESS. We all want to happy and we all want to love and to be loved in return. There’s no denying about that but in this time and age, most of us get sucked in to our jobs that we forget the meaning of love and happy.

I don’t think any of us can remember how much love and happiness we were born into.

We were the product of love and happiness (doesn’t matter the situation by which you were conceived, because someone loved doing it and was happy to do it is the reason why you were conceived in the first place). We are the very product of someone or a couple’s love for each other (or sex) and were happy to commit to that act (at that point of time).

For the more religious, we are the product of two individual’s love for God and his commandments to procreate.

So, while we are the product of love and happiness, why do some of us struggle to always be happy and loved?

Well, our environments and experiences play a big part but more importantly, WE are responsible for what we choose to happen to us. We are responsible for how happy or loved we want to be, no one has the authority to do that because they do not have that control over us.

And how do we learn to be happy or to love ourselves enough to not be distracted by what happens around us?

Here are 3 simple steps that you can practice. It’s the same one that I practice.

  1. Spend time with yourself, for yourself.
    Do the things you want for yourself. You don’t need to constantly be around people all the time. I’m a social person but I do appreciate being alone and I do enjoy being alone. Watch movies at the theatres alone. Laugh out loud alone. Get reconnected with your inner self. That’s what’s most important.
  2. Love yourself first before you learn to love others.
    You’ll get to this stage once you’ve spent enough time with yourself. When you know what you love, you’ll learn how to love others the same way you want to be loved. Not everyone may agree with how you choose to love them because they have their own opinion on it but at the very least, you’ll know that the relationship will not work out and you can move on without having to hate the person. For you, it’s just, incompatible. That’s all. No hard feelings.
  3. Share your love.
    There’s only so much love you can keep to yourself. Sharing your love will help others learn to heal and move on with their lives. I’m not asking you to begin planting love seeds everywhere you travel (as much as you’d want to be Don Juan) but walk with a smile on your face, with a skip in your step and with a song in your heart.

There’s no one size fits all remedy to this. Everyone does things differently and experiences things differently but if you’ve never tried this before. Then you probably should.

This was written with Lots of Love

Song For You


What’s Abd?!!

Life has been really busy for me of late. It has been really busy that I haven’t really seen my family much.

The past month has been especially tiring with rehearsals for my two upcoming productions due in March with just one week separating the other.

One of the things that I’ve been trying hard to do at my rehearsals is to cry. I’ve never been good at crying as I’ve developed the ability not to feel as much. The last time I remembered crying was when I visited my bestfriend’s mom in the hospital.

She had been battling with cancer over the years and that time when I was at the hospital to visit her, I just broke down and cry when she was unresponsive to whatever that I was talking to her. My bestfriend had warned me prior to entering that she was strapped to several tubes and I couldn’t digest the image when I saw her personally.

Nonetheless, she has since passed on and I hope she is well-taken care of by the angels. It’s unusual of me to upload songs here but if there’s any song that can remind me of her, this has got to be it. Because I remembered tearing while having dinner with HZ and FGB once when this song came on the radio and I was talking about her suffering.

Sorry non-malay listeners, the song is in Malay. Titled Laguku Untukmu (My Song For You)

This song, was perhaps intended for a person who has lost the person he loved. The music video depicts the loss of a lover but I feel that this song has a much deeper meaning to it especially when you do not watch the video. Just listen and you’ll get what I mean.

Lyrics

Kehadiran membawa seribu erti
Terasa bagaikan suatu mimpi
Indah..Mahligai yang kita bina
Impian kini terlaksana sudah

Tiada ku terlintas akan terjadi
Kita kan berpisah jua akhirnya
Sejenak..Ku terfikir segala
Oh keindahan bersamamu…ohhh…

Kembalilah kasih kepada diriku
Hidupku sepi tanpa kehadiranmu
Dengar rayuanku jeritan batinku
Masih dahagakan kemesraanmu
Hanya kau yang ku cinta tiada kedua
Usah biar ku menderita

Setelah kau pergi tiada kembali
Pilunya tak dapat ku menggambarkan
Abadi kasihku yang amat suci
Biarku yang dalam kegelapan

Dengarlah dendangan laguku untukmu
Suara hati lambang suci murni
Berat saatku dilamun rindu
Setelah lama dikau pergi oh…
Kasihku… oh…

Kembalilah kasih kepada diriku
Hidupku sepi tanpa kehadiranmu
Dengar rayuanku jeritan batinku
Masih dahagakan kemesraanmu
Hanya kau yang ku cinta tiada kedua
Usah biar ku menderita

Setelah kau pergi tiada kembali
Pilunya tak dapat ku menggambarkan
Abadi kasihku yang amat suci
Biarku yang dalam kegelapan
Kasihku… oh…

http://www.youtube.com/v/pne2CIj4ho8&hl=en&fs=1

To A Brother


What’s Abd?!!

It’s the month of February, the month where lovers around the world celebrate just because its Valentine’s Day.

Honestly, I’ve never celebrated it. Not because I didn’t have anyone but because I just simply never believed in it due to the historical facts of why such a day came about.

For those of you who have no idea, it is forbidden to Muslims to celebrate it.

But you know what, I don’t think many Muslims really bother anymore.

Oh wells, the last time I remember going out on Valentine’s Day… I ended up crying on my way back home. It was the longest ride I ever experienced and it was the saddest good bye I can remember till date.

Fortunately, exactly one year after the incident, I do not have to fret thinking about it because I will be busy hosting friends from the region who have came specially to grace the wedding of a beloved friend and brother of mine.

This brother of mine, would definitely go down into my book as a brother because you can never call one a brother until you’ve experienced some tension between one another yet remain social to one another.

I guess it’s probably a guy thing. We keep our egos to ourselves and let it kill us but somehow, we’ll let things settle it on its own. He’s the 3rd person I’d dare call a brother, just because. The other 2 are my best friends and such a coincidence that one of them shares the same birthday as this groom-to-be. And I remember very clearly that one of my brothers hated me so much for close to a year over a girl whom I made way to let him pursue.

He didn’t know and I never told him my reasons why. I just simply backed out after having a conversation with the girl. But when he knew, he just kept it to himself and let it out on me through his many punches to my arms and body. Trust me, they hurt. He punched the TV and his hand went straight in, breaking the TV screen. They don’t call him Mr Muscle for nothing.

But let’s not stray away from the man of the moment, the groom-to-be, Kamal Shaari. A man with a different sense of humour and a different way of looking at things in perspective. Oh, did I forget to mention that he beat several scholars of higher ranking than him to be one of the President’s Aide.

Though we haven’t been able to converse much as I’ve been busy with my many projects, I do wish that this brotherhood will last even after your marriage. It is also no secret that I did purposely put myself into seclusion away from everyone because I needed the space to reassess my goals in life and work towards it. But trust me on one thing, I’ll always be that brother if you consider me as one.

To all those who are celebrating Valentines Day, I wish you joy and happiness. Don’t go spending too much money in this recession if you’re in it!

Do You Dream


What’s Abd?!!

I have a dream.
A dream to be a Captain.
A Captain of an aircraft piloting the skies like it is my playground.

My dad had a dream for me.
A dream for me to be a Captain.
A Captain of a sea vessel, just like him piloting the seas like it was his playground once.

I didn’t know much about this dream he had for me until a few days back when I asked him if he had books on reading stars and constellations. What came next was a shock to me as he started taking out books from the year I was born and started handing it out to me like it was a family heirloom.

It wasn’t the books that captivated me, it was the words he strung into sentences next that caught me.

He told me he wanted me to be a captain like him when I was born but then he decided against it when I went to polytechnic because the weather had changed alot and were now unpredictable compared to yesteryears.

I remember that before I enrolled for poly, I had told him of my desire to take up Nautical Studies and I was reprimanded. I guess he didn’t want to lose his son to Acts of God caused by humans.

As I listened to him speak of how he bought the books for me even before I could understand what the world was, my heart teared and my eyes began to swell. I was beginning to understand what family values meant to me and how my Dad had protected me against something which he had loved doing and would have loved for me to do.

At this juncture in life, he has set out another plan for me to follow. I know I have nothing to worry about if I heed his advice but I know that until I can achieve success on my own, I cannot be proud of myself to call myself his son. I’ve run through with him on my plans and he has been quite supportive of it. All I need to do now is to make my plans come true and be that reality.

In the meantime, for those of you who haven’t noticed a little link on the right side. I’ve launched another site. This site shall be dedicated to educational as well as music videos that me and my friends have come up with. A word of caution though as some of these videos are simply irritating for a simple fact that you see me in there most of the time.

Okay seriously, some videos might be offensive to the government and societal system that I work very closely with due to the nature of its content.

If you’re ready, then visit WA!TV

Are You In Love?


What’s Abd?!!

“Most Love Starts Out As Limerence, But Most Limerence Never Evolves Into Love”

Everyone of us has fallen into this theory before when we first start dating someone. It’s a period whereby everything is sweet and beautiful and nothing ugly ever comes out of it even if it does.

Coined by Dr Dorothy Tennov in 1977, a psychologist, knowing whether or not you are in limerence or in love will greatly help you to understand yourself when dating someone.

Limerence as defined by Wikipedia, “an involuntary cognitive and emotional state in which a person feels an intense romantic desire for another”

Limerence is definitely not a crush or love. Crushes are sparked by physical attraction whilst love takes longer to develop and occurs only after knowing a person for who they are and not who you make them out to be.

Limerence could last a really long time when a growing desire for the person has never been satisfied but it could also die within an instant, when the desire for that person has been satisfied yet disappointing.

Most romantic movies speak of love but I’d say they are mere limerence. It’s merely something that is romantic only in the beginning that both parties love to do together. Movies could never talk of love for love takes much longer and would take the movie days or episodes before it ends.

Nonetheless, limerence is a game. Whereby to win, one will need to strategize and to lose is to be honest about how you feel.

The difference between love and limerence is that love involves concern for the loved one’s welfare and feelings with little or no expectation of gain in return whilst limerance demands reciprocation.

Characteristics of a person in limerence is described as being intrusive, obsessive thinking about the limerent object and an acute longing for reciprocation. A person in such a state could become irrational or almost insane due to an increase in emotional sensitivity and instability. Individuals in a state of limerent may also develop irrational beliefs and behaviours. They may also feel real physiological effects, including pain in chest when not reciprocated or euphoria when reciprocated.

If the object of limerence does not reciprocate or handle the situation with care, people in limerence can suffer severe depression to the extend of committing suicide due to unrequited ‘love’.

A person in limerence would have created an image of their target and ‘fell in love’ with this image, which could have no relation at all to the real person.

“True Love” must involve an understanding of a person on a fundamental level, unlikely to reside in the fantasy of a crush.

In what seems like my first post on such topic, I am not an expert on this and it is through sheer interest that I have decided to research on this topic and share my findings.

First Date Experience


What’s Abd?!!
Haven’t we all had our share of embarrassing and jitter moments out on a first date? Rummaging through that cupboard of yours for that perfect look. As they say, the first impression creates a lasting impression.

I was a late bloomer amongst my group of friends; never dated in secondary school and was too shy to walk up to a girl to ask for her number and never dared to call a girl more than once after the first call got through to her grandmother.

I eventually landed my first date AFTER secondary school. I still remember how it was, how could anyone not remember your first date. The date was set for a Saturday afternoon. My date – 4 years older than me (same age as my sister), same course and same polytechnic as my sister, she was in most instances, could have very well been my sister’s friend and course mate. My sister ranted at me for that of course, “FIND SOMEONE YOUNGER CAN OR NOT?!”

I remember she had asked me the morning earlier what I would be wearing – blue jeans and off-white colour top. Our meeting place, where else for a young, growing up man but Somerset MRT (typical Singaporean right? Where else to go lar). So there I was waiting for her when she appeared 45 minutes later (so typical of a woman on a date to want to look good), and damn was I shocked! She was dressed in the exact same colour code as me and her top was of the same design as mine. I freaked out right there and then and just had to end that date early (I know I’m being mean here but it was too much for me on a first date).

MY FIRST TIME exploring Orchard Road with a girl by my side and already we were going to be seen as a couple because of what we wore. There were just so many things running through my mind as I walked out of that underpass. I had no idea what to eat or where to go and I had no agenda for that day. It was my first date for god’s sake. I had no training on where a guy should bring a girl to or what a guy should do to a girl. So, I opted for the easy, “I’m hungry waiting for you, I wanna go eat.”

Lunch was at Lucky Plaza and even then, it wasn’t easy. I can’t remember if I paid for her lunch or we went Dutch. She never told me much about herself especially that she JUST BROKE UP with her ex the day before (my eyes just opened wide and jaws just about to dangle when she told me). Lunch was busy with her ex friends passing by her and looking at me (just so weird). Lunch was kept busy with her entertaining her pager (Pager okay!! Antique huh?) because she told me her sister was paging her to buy stuff in town (of maybe she was having a horrible time with me).

Whatever it is, I decided to end the date early, within an hour of meeting her. So, during lunch I asked, “Where do you want to go after this because I need( or rather wanted ) to go off already.” I walked her to the bus stop where she could board her bus from and I walked off feeling so shitty because my first date was such a horrible experience! I never even bothered to wait for her bus to come!

The experience was so nervy that I felt, perhaps every date that my friends went on was of similar experiences or hopefully, worst. That was, however, in the past. Things have now changed and let’s just say that my first dates are no longer as horrible as it was.

So that was my first date experience.

Tell me yours. I wanna know what yours was like.

Was it embarrassing as mine?

Or was yours sweet and beautiful like fairy tales?

Here’s me leaving you with a song entitled First Date by Blink 182.

Cheating Partners


What’s Abd?!!
You Cheated On Me!!!

I know most men have heard of that phrase being barked in their faces by their partners. I’ve had my personal encounter too but it was a complete misunderstanding and the relationship had to pay the price. My ex insisted that I was cheating or had cheated on her. She had read something I posted online for a friend and had probably read a little too much in between the lines. I was to be blamed too because the intent and delivery (this is where not listening to your English teacher in class paid the price) had came out totally wrong but everyone surely hates cheaters, I do too.

But at times, we need to take two steps back and ask ourself:

“What do you constitute as cheating?”

Your definition of the term cheating may not be the same as how your partner interprets it and this may cause unwanted rifts.

So, what then is cheating?

Is cheating implied by the mere physical connection that two parties have with one another (kissing, sex, holding hands, hugs). I for one will not be able to tolerate kissing and sex for sure!! That’s like WHOAH!!! CHEATER!!! B*%$@!!!
But holding hands and hugs is still fine with me.

But beyond physical connection between parties, there’s also the question of emotional connection.

Here’s where I have no doubt to call one a cheater once you develop deep emotional feelings beyond friendship love boundaries.

How do you then know what’s the thin line of friendship love and that cheesy love feeling?

Well, it’s not easy but a good gauge would be to see how your partner interacts with their friends. The joy, physical and emotional connection that your partner has with their friends is that love called friendship love.

The joy, physical and emotional connection that you and your partner share is the deep emotional cheesy love. If your partner shares such joy and connection with another other than you, then you shall be warned. Raise the alarm and clear doubt.

There’s really no one correct method in solving cheating, really. It’s just a disease stuck onto both men and women. Women hate to admit their kind would cheat but the fact is that they do, and poll research has proven that they cheat as often as men do!
You can read more here: http://www.womansavers.com/Cheating-Infidelity-statistics.asp

So, what then is the problem that results in cheating amongst couples?

It is not the emotional binding between the couple, but believe it or not, in many cases it is the desire for better sex. Safe to say that if your partner is cheating on you, you are very likely terrible beyond doubt in bed.

For men:
If your woman cheated on you and you say that she has regularly been pleasured in bed. How sure are you that you have been doing it right? She may have faked the orgasm just so she could get out of that terrible love making session that you been giving her.

For women:
If your men cheated on you, well maybe you were what is labeled as a “dead fish”.

Making love is not just the physical intercourse. If physical intercourse is what you are looking for, then there’s aplenty that you can pay for. Making love is the combination of emotional and physical chemistry that only the two of you experience. I’m no expert in this but I have seen far too many people cheat and these are people who have been in relationships for years.

There are some men who no doubt see making love as just a chore and just want to get in and get out. But guys, your lady needs more than just that!! They need tender loving care, and much more so, in bed!! The intercourse should just be taken as a bonus. Why then would women always prefer snuggling and cuddling especially after making love? It’s because they love the warmth and the emotional flutters that you send them right through their tummy. Someone who doesn’t give a hoot about your feelings would just get out of bed, into the showers and get food.

BUT before you even jump down to intercourse, you need to spend time on foreplay.

Don’t know what’s foreplay???? Gosh… maybe you shouldn’t have even started intercourse.

Foreplay is how I’d describe it as something which is fun and playful yet sexual. It’s about working up the warmth in the room and building up the passion of the night/ day and should be taken as a preparation for sex. It can be in the form of massages, whispers or even just love notes. Of course there’s more to it but I’ll leave to you to go and research on it.

If you still have no idea how to go about with foreplay…..

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Drop me an email, I’ll go over and show you a demo!!
Okay No!! Just kidding.
But GET HELP!