"Hi, My Name Is…."

What’s Abd?!!

I’m not the funniest of people on this earth but I have no idea why people like to call me a funny guy. I keep telling them I’m not funny but the more I tell them, the harder it gets to convince them. This just snowballs until when I start discussing about socio-political issues.

They just pause and go, “Wow! You know more than just bullshitting! You have brains!!” (Not every bullshitter in the world is brainless like George W. Bush)

I know that, that’s meant to be sarcastic but it doesn’t take long after that when they realize the meaning of ‘Silence is Gold’ (something like that right?). I just prefer to let others make fun of me because I just love to see how far people will go to humiliate one. Not many have gone too far so that’s good. Helps also that I have such a ‘stuck-up, don’t talk to me’ look.

But otherwise, all is good (“,)

Anyways, can someone come out with a new pick-up line instead? I’m quite bored of the same thing over and over again with both men and women trying to pick me up after introductions.

Scenario 1

He/ She: “Hello, my name is Desperate”

Me: “Hi, my name is Abd (pronounced as Up)”

He/ She: “Oh hello! I’m down”

Me: “Ha Ha (sarcastic laugh)”

Am I supposed to carry on with “oh good.. you wanna go down on me?” or should my next line be, “pay me, no free meals”

But I can’t blame most people either. Try this next one:

Scenario 2

He/ She: “Hello, I’m Stranger”

Me: “Oh hello, you can call me Abd”

He/ She: “But I just met you!”

Me: “No no no… my name is Abd”

So you see, I don’t have much options do I?

Let’s try with my full name.

Scenario 3

He/ She: “So how do address you as?”

Me: “Abdillah”

He/ She: “Hello Adilah”

Me: “No no… ABDILLAH”

He/ She: “Sorry sorry Abilah”

Me: “Noooo… it’s AB-DIL-LAH”

He/ She: “Wahh.. so difficult to pronounce. Simpler have?”

Me: “Just call me Abd”

He/ She: “Abd? heheheh I’m down! hehehe”

This has been tried too but didn’t quite work but here’s probably what works but something that I will not respond to.

Scenario 4

He/ She: “So, what is your name”

Me: “Abdillah”

He/ She: “Hello Abillah”

Me: “Haha.. Sorry wrong.. It’s ABDILLAH”

He/ She: “OOppss… Adillah right?”

Me: “That’s still wrong, it’s AB-DIL-LAH”

He/ She: “Anything easier?”

Me: “Call me Mohamad”

He/ She: “Ahhh… MO-HAR-MAT”

Unfortunately, I don’t respond to that name because I’ve never been accustomed to that name before.

But aside from proper name calling. Some people can still be quite stupid enough not to know how to spell my name correctly in emails DESPITE me signing of with my full name, MOHAMAD ABDILLAH.

I’m not sure if the type of education being taught at elitist schools in Singapore or the Ivy League universities abroad are lousy because I never had the priviledge in view of my less than capable grades to go to such expensive schools where grades conquer the world. However, I find that my middle-class standard of education certainly taught me well about language and decorum.

I don’t pronounce names wrongly and if I do, I’ll try my best to pronounce it correctly. BUT I just don’t see the point how they don’t even know how to COPY something already presented to them. Surely, I know how my name is supposed to be spelt right?

So much for moulding the future leaders. No wonder the leaders being produced have such HIGH IQ but LOW EQ.

Strip them off their ranks and they’d be lost as a commoner because they never learnt how to rise up, they were allocated a pedestal right from the onset. And if you throw them in the doldrums of society, they’d never survive because they feel unworthy of being in that situation and unable to accept such a situation. They’d probably prefer to die of self-imprisonment rather than fight to survive.

But here’s a latest one that I’ve received:

Scenario 5

He/ She: “Hi, whut is your namee?”

Me: “Just call me Abd”

He/ She: “Up-pur?”

Me: “No no… Just Up”

He/ She: “Yess Yesser.. Up-pur. Nice to meet you”

In all the conversations, the people whom I’ve conversed with have all became close companions of mine despite their inability to pronounce my name correctly.

It is however proven that with time, they can get it right.