What would be your ideal choice of partner?
I’ve often visited this topic over the years as I grow around the environment that I grew up in and I’m often left wondering, ‘What is my ideal partner?’
As a Muslim, Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W) sunnah suggests that in searching for a partner, one should look for the following, Wealth, Beauty, Religion and Family Background but it is better to search for one with Religion for that is the safest.
That was the 4 keys that I held on to since Secondary School but soon, lots more were added in as I began going out with girls of different races and religion.
The first girl who ever sat on my lap with a proud declaration of being my ‘wife’ was this sweet Chinese girl from my class. So sweet that she’d often drink from my bottle when thirsty and wiped my perspiration after Physical Education class as I lay on top of the classroom table in my boxer shorts. She was essentially, my ‘wife’ in school, and this was widely acknowledged even amongst the teachers.
She was also the first girl who ever asked me if it was alright to get a tattoo. I never said ‘No’ to her but I only remember telling her that if she wanted to get one, she should get one that looked stylish and cool. Little did I imagine she’d get for herself a rose on her ankle and a cupid lying on a crescent moon on her left shoulder blade.
After that short episode with her in school (we never got together if that’s what you’re wondering), I also dated amongst others, a Catholic girl, a teacher.
Sweet and witty, we’d often get engaged in discussions about our religion and she was occasionally surprised by what I knew about Catholic and how she didn’t know much about Islam. We didn’t last that long either.
Then I also went out with Muslim girls of different races, plenty too, from all different walks of life. From the one’s who’d wear mini skirts to those who’d wear dresses and even those who wore the headscarf. From those who were from ‘elite’ schools, to those who came from ‘established’ families and also to those who are just your sweet girl next door.
What have I learnt from all of these?
I’ve learnt to discover myself as well as the kind of partner that I seek for.
Oh.. I also have several gays, lesbians and even a transvestite who’s given so much colour to my life.
Sure, Prophet Muhammad’s (S.A.W) sunnah would still be a good yardstick to follow but having gone through several phases of ‘dates’, I don’t think just any girl who meet the 4 criteria mentioned would do any good for the relationship.
Don’t forget also that with half of my heritage coming directly from Indonesia, inter-religious marriages there are common and I’ve been motivated to explore more on that issue where there isn’t a need for me to compel my partner to convert.
Fortunately, such a rule does exist in Islam. My partner will need to be ‘the people of the book’ which essentially means that she’d have to be either Christian, Muslim or Jewish. Unfortunately, I’ve been told that they need to be followers of the original book, not any of the New Testaments, and that will narrow my options down to just Muslims and perhaps Jewish and Orthodox Christians/ Catholics.
Not too bad either.
Islamic Scholars however, do not recommend such a union because how will the child be brought up? Under which religion will the child subscribe to?
I think I’ve come to the conclusion that religion should be something that the individual chooses. After all as Muslims, we’ve been taught that Hidayah or Guiding Light comes from God. Hence, no point forcing something into the child that he/she isn’t able to accept.
I think such a union will be one that’ll be interesting for the child to grow up in as well. The child will get to celebrate more festivities and will be more exposed to better theological concepts that many others. The choice will, at the end of the day, be the child’s.
So, what then would be an ideal partner for me?
Let me draw you an imaginary picture or fantasy of what she could look like.
Someone with several well-placed and well-chosen tattoos as well as a few body piercings. Perhaps someone who’s a non-Muslim, either Christian, Catholic or Jewish (because I want a Jewish style wedding), intellectual and who shares similar interests with me with a positive look on life.
Not quite the type that Muslim men would go for huh?
That’s probably because I’m not quite the Muslim guy either but such ideals are nothing but a mere fiction of my imagination. I still hope it can come true though.
Mazel Tov to me then if that happens!