Are You In Love?

What’s Abd?!!
“Most Love Starts Out As Limerence, But Most Limerence Never Evolves Into Love”

Everyone of us has fallen into this theory before when we first start dating someone. It’s a period whereby everything is sweet and beautiful and nothing ugly ever comes out of it even if it does.

Coined by Dr Dorothy Tennov in 1977, a psychologist, knowing whether or not you are in limerence or in love will greatly help you to understand yourself when dating someone.

Limerence as defined by Wikipedia, “an involuntary cognitive and emotional state in which a person feels an intense romantic desire for another”

Limerence is definitely not a crush or love. Crushes are sparked by physical attraction whilst love takes longer to develop and occurs only after knowing a person for who they are and not who you make them out to be.

Limerence could last a really long time when a growing desire for the person has never been satisfied but it could also die within an instant, when the desire for that person has been satisfied yet disappointing.

Most romantic movies speak of love but I’d say they are mere limerence. It’s merely something that is romantic only in the beginning that both parties love to do together. Movies could never talk of love for love takes much longer and would take the movie days or episodes before it ends.

Nonetheless, limerence is a game. Whereby to win, one will need to strategize and to lose is to be honest about how you feel.

The difference between love and limerence is that love involves concern for the loved one’s welfare and feelings with little or no expectation of gain in return whilst limerance demands reciprocation.

Characteristics of a person in limerence is described as being intrusive, obsessive thinking about the limerent object and an acute longing for reciprocation. A person in such a state could become irrational or almost insane due to an increase in emotional sensitivity and instability. Individuals in a state of limerent may also develop irrational beliefs and behaviours. They may also feel real physiological effects, including pain in chest when not reciprocated or euphoria when reciprocated.

If the object of limerence does not reciprocate or handle the situation with care, people in limerence can suffer severe depression to the extend of committing suicide due to unrequited ‘love’.

A person in limerence would have created an image of their target and ‘fell in love’ with this image, which could have no relation at all to the real person.

“True Love” must involve an understanding of a person on a fundamental level, unlikely to reside in the fantasy of a crush.

In what seems like my first post on such topic, I am not an expert on this and it is through sheer interest that I have decided to research on this topic and share my findings.

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