Marriage In A Nutshell

What’s Abd?!!
In recent years, I’ve had several friends, acquaintances as well as family members who have gotten engaged or married. One of my best friends has gotten himself attached after 23 long years to girl whom he so very much cherishes. I’m very happy for him though I see less of him these days now.
I’ve been single for quite a while now. My last relationship ended on Valentine’s Day and I’ve been trying to move on since then. It’s painful but I want to think about the more lovelier days that I had and how my future is going to be like.
My best friend is attached to a Chinese girl who is non-muslim and well, I do forsee them being married to one another. The question here is the legality of it and how will the marriage take place. He is very much thinking of a civil marriage should she not want to convert to be a Muslim, I am totally supportive of his view because I don’t believe in forcing anyone to convert into another religion. Not by own freewill, then I’d rather not.
It’s really a sensitive topic about Civil Marriages in Muslim society although it is widespread in Indonesia. I think I have read before in a Hadith that a Muslim is able to marry a non-Muslim, provided that the non-Muslim is of the Christian or Jewish faith. However, the Christian or Jew whom I’m marrying must be someone who is knowledgeable in her faith and is following the Old Testament. I know that this probably only applies to Christians but not too sure about the Jews because I know Jews read the Torah ( any jews or muslim scholar can help me out with this? )
But in all circumstances, I made a little bit of research and discovered that for a Muslim marriage to be valid ( i got this from ):
there must be a bride and groom (male and female ahhh!! not equal gender),
both must be Muslims, the aqad (ijab and qabul),
the mahr,
and the wali of the bride.
If any one of the conditions are not fulfilled, the marriage is then considered null and void as it is not recognized by Islam. If one carries on in such a marriage, the sin will be upon all those involved and if that marriage was consummated it will be regarded as zina and any children procured from it will be considered as out-of-wedlock.
So, based on that, I guess Civil Marriage will be extremely difficult for my best friend. But having talked about him, it is actually me who is considering Civil Marriage.
No, I’m not attached at the moment nor am I seeing anyone special yet.
I’m considering Civil Marriage because I don’t think that I’ll be marrying a Malay girl or rather, want to marry a Malay girl. My dad also prefers that I do not marry a Malay girl. He prefers that I marry a Chinese girl. I’ve dated women from an array of backgrounds and culture and quite honestly, I have better chemistry emotionally with non-Muslims.
I’ve blogged about this before in my previous posts somewhere down here but it’s more on the Malay culture rather than the individual per se but that’s on my own personal view. I’m not sure on my dad’s but I’m sure he has a valid reason for telling me so.
I’m considering Civil Marriage because I want to explore the possibilities available ever since I read up on the Hadith. However, since I stumbled upon this new piece of information. I am even more hard up on finding means and ways to do it.
I am however disappointed to know that attending a Civil Marriage of a fellow Muslim is also not supported because I am supposed to show my unhappiness over the unislamic decision although I understand where the point of view is coming from. But what if I am happy with the decision. Besides, I don’t think converting into a religion should be by force. Islam is after all a religion of peace, not of force.
However, it is also mentioned that one should attend a wedding unless if it has Haram elements. Considering that the Civil Marriage is not recognised by Islam and the act of making love is considered zina, does that not then make this marriage Haram and therefore should not be attended. Then again, if the host insist on the presence of a person, then the person is obligated to attend unless unable to attend for a valid reason. Perhaps this valid reason could be because that it is a Civil Marriage?
I guess I still need to find out more information on this first but whilst searching, I found a bit more of useful information for those Muslims who are getting married.
The DO’s and DON’Ts of an ISLAMIC Marriage.
The most important aspect of a Muslim marriage ceremony is the Majlis Nikah, where the solemnization takes place. Hence, it is proper that this Majlis is given its due attention, and not other ancillary ceremonies. It is advisable that the Majlis Nikah be filled with recitations of Al-Quran to invite the Malaikats (Angels), and not to be mixed with sinful acts that will only invite the Syaithans and Jinns (Devils), and drive away the Malaikats.
Another prominent act in a Muslim marriage is the wedding feast.
The Prophet said: Hold a wedding feast, even though with only one sheep. Hence it is commendable, but several things should be noted:
1) There is no free mixing of sexes. The sitting arrangement of men and women should be segregated, except for those in a family. Hence, there should be three sitting areas, for the males only, for the females only, and for the families. Usually, people organise just two sitting, for men and women, since those who attended the feast with their children will usually divide among themselves on taking of their children.
2) Improper music should not be played out. Improper music involves lyrics that are suggestive of sexual and sinful acts. Also, the music played should not be in the form that the audiences can be encouraged to go in front and sing out the songs (I am so guilty of this!!). The intention of the music during the feast is to make it more joyful, not a singing contest, or to showcase one’s talent or lack of it, or to drown out people’s voices as in cases when the musics are played out too loud. It is better if Quranic verses are played instead of musics since this act will receive Allah’s blessing and invite the malaikat over.
3) The usual tradition of tepung tawar must be avoided since it runs contrary to Islamic teaching. It involves certain a set of beliefs that has its roots in Hinduism.
4) Sitting on a dais (chair for bride and groom) must only be restricted to family members who are mahram. Hence, the bride should not be sitted in the dais of her groom’s house, since this will expose her to his family members who are not her mahram.
5) The fashionable act of changing clothes should be avoided since this will expose the bride’s aurat.
6) The feast should not be held extravagantly since this will cause unnecessary wastage. And wastage is Islam is forbidden.
For those who also often talk of the Malay traditions, let it be known that most of the Malay traditions has its roots from Hiduism (historically, Malays were Hindus). Superstitious belief, such as ‘tepung tawar’, ‘tepak sireh’ and so forth are a mimicry of Hiduism and therefore is forbidden in Islam.
The use of Henna is also forbidden for men. This is because henna is originally only used by women only. Hence, if a man uses henna for cosmetic purposes, it is considered as imitating women and the act of imitating the opposite gender is forbidden.
In this current age, most of the good Mak Andams are actually Transvestites. Unfortunately, the use of Transvestites as the bride’s Mak Andam is forbidden because it is forbidden for women to expose her aurah to men who are not her mahram. Her hair is her aurah hence it is forbidden for her to expose her hair to the male beauty artist what more allowing him to style her hair. A transvestite as we know is genetically a male and therefore, it is forbidden for SHIM (She + Him) to be employed to be the doing the make up on the bride.
On my last point, I shall discuss on the legality of marriage of women who are pregnant. There has been an email about a Hadith circulating around saying the marriage of a pregnant women is invalid. The Hadith being mentioned here is, ‘a pregnant woman must wait until she gives birth before she can marry’. I have also come to believe in that until I arrived at this piece of information whict states otherwise.
According to Syafi’i school of thought, she is allowed to marry the man who impregnated her and there is no need to wait until she gives birth.
As for the Hadith mentioned, if authentic, is in the general form and did not specify the status of the pregnant woman whether she is divorced, widowed or pregnant out-of-wedlock. Therefore, If she is pregnant through the act of fornication, she is not allowed to marry a man other than the one who impregnated her.
Simple enough to understand?
I hope so.
If it’s not and you wish to find out more, click here.

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