Double Celebrations

What’s Abd?!!

Today is the end of the Muslim fasting month, Ramadhan. Muslims the world over celebrate Eid Mubarak or Hari Raya Aidilfitri to begin the new month of Syawal.

In Singapore, Muslims celebrate it by visiting their fellow friends and relatives asking for forgiveness for sins committed regardless seen or unseen, heard or unheard, mouthed or in silence.

As Singaporean Muslims celebrate, you will notice that there will be a group of people who are so enthusiastic about this occasion. It is ironic too because this group of extra enthusiastic individuals are usually those who did not fulfill the mandatory 30 days of fasting.

Who are they?

They are the Matreps and Minahreps!

As I have described in my earlier post on how to spot them. I shall now give you a more detailed description of these Matreps and Minahreps.

Matreps and Minahreps are traditionally Malays. However, in recent times, it has also included Indian Muslims and Chinese Muslims. The dominant description about them is the language they use, the way they walk and the props they carry around with them.

The language – Speaks only Malay language with a little bit of English and Hokkien. Very fluent in the area of profanity. They have a very limited vocabulary and can only understand if you speak to them in profanity. Proper conversation in Malay or English will result in them saying things along the lines of ‘Don’t Make Me Punch Your Face’. They are only able to understand and accept their language. Also able to speak louder than a microphone.

The way they walk – Regardless males or females walk like they are trying to fly. Well actually, they believe that they were born to fly. Hence, when they walk, they’re arms will create a huge swinging motion as if they are about to take flight. Very often, no one is allowed to knock into them or they will get angry because they are unable to take-off.

The props – They do not carry many props with them but most of the time they like to carry unnecessary handbags or sling bags which are meant to be worn over the head. They believe that these props will be more popular than blings and thus, prefer to start the trend now before they get left behind. It is however very popular amongst their species and similar species of the different racial strata. For those who cannot afford such bags, they will push a baby cart with a baby in it. Not only are babies also popular objects of show-offs, they are also almost cost-free to be produced. Most of the cost will only be incurred after 9 months of pre-production and usually the cost will be burdened by the entire family.

The fashion – Contrary to popular belief, they actually are big fans of Michael Jackson song, ‘Black or White’. They belief that the colour black and white will always be popular and thus, fashion sense is only limited to purchases of black or white colours. The ladies would however pair these colours with additional undergarments usually of similar colour or add on the colour red to their wardrobe as complimentary components to their latest fashion trends.

They also love art and take art with them wherever they go. In particular they love animals and universe, some of them love the ‘Luohan’ fish whilst some prefer the mythical ‘Dragons’. Those who have never had the chance to see stars through the telescope will invest in Stars on themselves. There are also those who believe that they were born to be hunters and thus, prefers tribal art on them. These art that they carry usually are in the colour green and red and cost about $500 to be produced.

Their pants are also tapered and skinny even if they do not look skinny. They have stick like legs or they prefer to think they have stick like legs. They have dyed hair which is usually spiked up for the guys and they love to wear aviator shades.

So, during this Hari Raya period, if you come across them.

The following guidelines should be adhered to:

Keep your distance

Do not look at them directly in the eye

If approached, speak proper Queen’s English to confuse them

Do not walk in their path of flight

Wish them Selamat Hari Raya

Endure the loud noises that you will hear

Pity them because the guys family jewels are actually crying out for help

If all else fails, call the police emergency line 999 for assistance because they actually run when they see police arrive.

Why?

Because average age is 14 – 25 and most of them are underage smokers, wanted for AWOL, wanted for running away from a home or just simply have no clue why they are running.

Otherwise, here’s wishing all my Muslim readers Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, Maaf Zahir Dan Batin and to my non Muslim readers, Happy Holidays!!!

Not forgetting to all those still schooling, Happy Children’s Day!!!!

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