Hell Training

What’s Abd?!!

The Muslim holy month of Ramadhan is coming to a close with just another day of fasting left on the calendar. I’m sure that Muslims the world over have been preparing in anticipation for the arrival of Syawal where they will celebrate the end of the fasting month with much festivities.

Here in Singapore, the celebrations are just as huge as it is the world over, possibly even bigger. What do Singaporean Muslims love to do during this period of preparation?

Here are some of the things on their checklist:

  • Cakes and cookies of all varieties
  • New set of clothes
  • New set of footwear
  • New coat of paint in home
  • New furniture
  • New bedsheets
  • New curtains
  • Visit Geylang

Have you been there yet (Geylang)?

It’s been two years since I went Geylang and so decided that I shall pay a visit over the weekend to check out What’s Hot and What’s Not.

Here’s a list of my What’s Hot!!

  • Weather
  • Stoves
  • Charcoals
  • Prostitutes (not available where I was)

Here’s a list of my What’s Not!!

  • People
  • Food
  • Prices
  • Parking
  • Traffic
  • Atmosphere

I swear that I was choking, gasping for a breath of fresh air whilst I was there! It was so warm that I felt running my 2.4km run/walk/jog would have been better. Geylang was smoking hot like the stoves over which deng-dengs were grilled on and I felt that the humans there were like charcoals fuelling the already hot temperature. Lucky for me, I managed to make a quick pit stop at Shop&Save to refuel my already heating up body coolant system with two bottles of H20 for just SGD $1.30!!! Cheap right!!!! (Writer feeling a sense of joy and happiness to have found a real bargain in an air-conditioned area)

Okay, so I decided to continue to thread my way through the crowd as fast as possible before I fell victim to dehydration. The majority of the crowd is of course Malays compounded of Matreps and Minahreps.

Note: Reps is not short form for Representatives. It should be used as a derogatory term to describe Malay males and females who have terrible sense of fashion colour (wears only black or white most of the time), can be easily spotted with coloured ink portraits/ lines drawn on the arms, necks and sometimes face and usually walks like there’s a needle at the armpit requiring extensive arm swinging motion stretched out to prevent injuring oneself. They can also be easily spotted from the irritatingly loud noises mentioned usually with common words like Puki Mak Kau Lah!” (Your mother’s cunt la) or “Pala Buttoh!” (Head of Buttoh – think politics) or “Mak Kau Punya Laki Ah!!” (Your mother’s man la aka Your Father) or “Sial Lah!” (Shit la). They also love to carry a handbag around which usually looks like a black coloured hardcase bag in the shape and design of a helmet.

As I walked through, a shop attracted my attention to it’s shiny blings. A belt!!! So I decided to get one – Superman for just SGD $18!!! That’s just about my only purchase aside from my 2 bottles of H20. So I then saw the deng-dengs, last time I went 2 years ago, I remember I bought 100grams for $2.50. When I asked how much, 100grams for $4.00!! Gosh!!! Ridiculous!!! Decided to skip the Halal Bak Kua because I think Pork Bak Kua would be cheaper right?

Maybe I should substitute the beef deng-deng for Bee Cheng Hiang instead?

I bet if I sold Bee Cheng Hiang at Geylang, none of them would even notice the difference in taste!!

But anyways, I think for all who are determined to go to hell, Geylang would be good training spot for you because of the sweltering heat!! You need to get used to it so you won’t complain so much when you go to hell and since you’re accustomed, the devil would have to find new creative means to make you suffer.

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